Seven Months

I was lying down with Abbey this evening as she drifted off to sleep and it occurred to me that she has been home with us for 7 months now.
Abbey was placed in the Luoyang SWI when she was a little over 2 weeks old.
She lived there until she was 7 months old.
At 7 months she was transferred to Amazing Hands foster home in Beijing to receive medical treatment for her clubfoot. She stayed there until she was 16 1/2 months old when we arrived to bring her home.

At only 2 weeks old, my little girl experienced her first loss, her China mom...her birth mother.

Then again at 7 months old, she lost the only home she had ever known, her orphanage. I am sure she missed her "ayi", the nanny who took care of her, the familiar surroundings and schedule.  Someone at her orphanage had decided Abbey would benefit from the medical treatment she could receive at Amazing Hands and her life once again was altered.

And altered it was... in the best and brightest of ways. The staff and director at AH didn't just care for Abbey... they loved her. She blossomed into a happy, active little girl and her medical treatment allowed her to stand and walk. The "loss" of all that she had known for those first 7 months was now replaced with
wonderful home full of love and lots of hugs and kisses. She actually became a little spoiled there if you ask me.  Abbey lived at AH for 9 months until we arrived in China in January 2011 to make her part of our family

 Now, I think now of how much she and I have changed in these past seven months.
How can it be ONLY 7 months? It seems like she has always been here and part of our lives, but at the same time I feel like I learn something new about her everyday. Seven months is really not that long in the grand scheme of things. I have to remind myself of this fact a lot lately. I really do forget that Abbey is still in some ways coping and adjusting to being our little girl.
 Of course, most of the time she is her wild, in constant motion, smiley self. It's the other times that "slap me in the face" and remind me of the loss and helplessness my baby girl has felt in her short life.

 It's the times when she is tired and hungry          OR
When I am showing too much attention to any of her sibs, but especially Madeline    OR
At bed-time when she doesn't want to separate from me     OR
During the day she would rather be on my hip than any other place on earth      OR
When she gets my attention by putting my face in her hands and turning it towards her face as if to say "I am here, look at me, arent' I special?"                 OR
When she has a complete "meltdown" in the car or elsewhere because something doesn't go her way or the right video isn't on. I am talking a complete, kicking,screaming, angry, inconsolable cry.  I have never heard a cry so "mad" as the cries I have heard from Abbey.

It is at moments like these she remembers she doesn't have control of her surroundings and that frightens her. These are the moments as a mom you just want to throw your hands up and bail out... it's tough.
But in the same moment you want to hold them so tight and pour every ounce of love into that broken little heart.

So how do I know that some of  the actions I witness in Abbey are related to adoption and not just a case of the early "terrible twos"? Well, first of all I did my research PRIOR to both adoptions and learned so much  about how children process the events that are happening around them. I also have the best group of BTDT adoptive moms(and best friends) who are my sounding board and are able to offer their insight from the "outside looking in". I also pray A LOT! I ask God to give me patience and understanding and equip me with the tools I need to reassure Abbey that she will never again have to be "taken away" from the things that comfort her and the people she loves. I don't always have the right answers at any particular time, but at some point God DOES reveal what he wants me to hear. I only have to be willing to listen.

And sometimes there is no better time to listen than when I am lying next to my sweet Abbey in the evening.