Seven Months

I was lying down with Abbey this evening as she drifted off to sleep and it occurred to me that she has been home with us for 7 months now.
Abbey was placed in the Luoyang SWI when she was a little over 2 weeks old.
She lived there until she was 7 months old.
At 7 months she was transferred to Amazing Hands foster home in Beijing to receive medical treatment for her clubfoot. She stayed there until she was 16 1/2 months old when we arrived to bring her home.

At only 2 weeks old, my little girl experienced her first loss, her China mom...her birth mother.

Then again at 7 months old, she lost the only home she had ever known, her orphanage. I am sure she missed her "ayi", the nanny who took care of her, the familiar surroundings and schedule.  Someone at her orphanage had decided Abbey would benefit from the medical treatment she could receive at Amazing Hands and her life once again was altered.

And altered it was... in the best and brightest of ways. The staff and director at AH didn't just care for Abbey... they loved her. She blossomed into a happy, active little girl and her medical treatment allowed her to stand and walk. The "loss" of all that she had known for those first 7 months was now replaced with
wonderful home full of love and lots of hugs and kisses. She actually became a little spoiled there if you ask me.  Abbey lived at AH for 9 months until we arrived in China in January 2011 to make her part of our family

 Now, I think now of how much she and I have changed in these past seven months.
How can it be ONLY 7 months? It seems like she has always been here and part of our lives, but at the same time I feel like I learn something new about her everyday. Seven months is really not that long in the grand scheme of things. I have to remind myself of this fact a lot lately. I really do forget that Abbey is still in some ways coping and adjusting to being our little girl.
 Of course, most of the time she is her wild, in constant motion, smiley self. It's the other times that "slap me in the face" and remind me of the loss and helplessness my baby girl has felt in her short life.

 It's the times when she is tired and hungry          OR
When I am showing too much attention to any of her sibs, but especially Madeline    OR
At bed-time when she doesn't want to separate from me     OR
During the day she would rather be on my hip than any other place on earth      OR
When she gets my attention by putting my face in her hands and turning it towards her face as if to say "I am here, look at me, arent' I special?"                 OR
When she has a complete "meltdown" in the car or elsewhere because something doesn't go her way or the right video isn't on. I am talking a complete, kicking,screaming, angry, inconsolable cry.  I have never heard a cry so "mad" as the cries I have heard from Abbey.

It is at moments like these she remembers she doesn't have control of her surroundings and that frightens her. These are the moments as a mom you just want to throw your hands up and bail out... it's tough.
But in the same moment you want to hold them so tight and pour every ounce of love into that broken little heart.

So how do I know that some of  the actions I witness in Abbey are related to adoption and not just a case of the early "terrible twos"? Well, first of all I did my research PRIOR to both adoptions and learned so much  about how children process the events that are happening around them. I also have the best group of BTDT adoptive moms(and best friends) who are my sounding board and are able to offer their insight from the "outside looking in". I also pray A LOT! I ask God to give me patience and understanding and equip me with the tools I need to reassure Abbey that she will never again have to be "taken away" from the things that comfort her and the people she loves. I don't always have the right answers at any particular time, but at some point God DOES reveal what he wants me to hear. I only have to be willing to listen.

And sometimes there is no better time to listen than when I am lying next to my sweet Abbey in the evening.

Stop the ride... I want to get off!

How is it that in a matther of days my life can go from semi-normal to outright chaos?
School has started... and with that comes a hundred pieces of paper to keep up with and sign for this teacher and that event, or payments for PTO affairs, lunch money deposited into accounts, and of course the homework that ensues.

Now, factor in the above X 3!
Now factor in a 23 pound little thing that has also managed to turn her mother's world upside-down right here as school has started for the big kids. Let me explain.

Abbey officially climbed(leap) out of her crib two weeks ago. It all happened in slow-motion and I thought my heart would never recover. She hasn't been sleeping through the night for well over a month now. She would wake up everytime we put her in her crib and cry inconsolably. This occurred several times a night. Mike and I were taking shifts, but we were at the end of our parent-hood rope.
So after scaling the crib, we had no option but to put her in the bed with us until we made arrangements for a toddler bed. Now I no what you are thinking....
" What nuts... dont' they know that is the biggest no-no in raising children."
"Poor Abbey, now she will be dependent on her crazy parents the rest of her life"
"Big mistake, now they will never get her out of their bed."
I am here to tell you,
That was the best night sleep I have had in months. She drifted right off to sleep,hardly wiggled and snuggled up against me several times. But, Mike is an early riser and Abbey would her him awake and get up as well,.. a little too early.

Now we have a toddler bed in her room next to the twin bed, She does great when Mike puts her in it. But with me she wants me to lie down on the twin bed, then she crawls up on the twin bed to sleep next to me, UUUGGGH... so we spend our entire nap time climbing up and down and getting mad. It isn't pretty
I can honestly say I now know  how our friends that adopted their daughter Francesca felt when their   little girl turned out to be a fire-cracker!!!! I feel like i am on a hyper-vigilant mission to spoil and
 contain any unusual distress she may cause around the house and elsewhere. She basically leaves me exhausted.
If you are reading this and it describes your child, then Bless you,. I will be praying for you and I ask you to do the same for me. 
If you are reading this and thinking... children do not behave like this with proper parental control. Call me I would love for you to go to lunch with Abbey and I . It will be one you won't forger!


Anyhoot... we still  are not sleeping , she is still waking up, school started right on time. I am just praying we have all of this worked out soon, Pray that Abbey will somehow understand that her mommy is losing it and that she will have mercy on me,

Naaaaggghhhh!

Back to School

Here we go... back to school week at the Runner home. The summer flew by when we weren't looking!
Cody's first day of class is Friday, Madeline has orientation and class begins Wednesday and Matthew started school today.  All three are at different schools, hence the varying start dates.
Bottom line though... our mornings of sleeping late are OVER.
I hate alarm clocks. Horrible way to be wakened out of a wonderful sleep.

Matthew is in 6th grade this year at a new school. It was a hard decision to make, but Mike and I felt he was ready for a change. So did Matthew. I know he will do great, but the momma in me conjures up all the worries and "what-if's?" I sat with him before he went to sleep last night and I prayed over my son. 
I prayed out loud so he could hear me asking God for his guidance and protection over him.
Oh how this momma prayed... you name it, we prayed about it.

So this morning I watched as he walked up the driveway to wait on the bus. I told him I loved him one more time and he waved his hand back to me as if to say... "I know, I know you have told me a hundred times.. you love me, you love me." I remembered a saying this morning too.

To be a mom is to have your heart go walking around outside your body. 

I couldn't agree more.